Jewelry: An Identity Crisis
Making the decision to wear my Magen David
This essay is part of a new collection of work inspired by the anthology On Being Jewish Now: Reflections of Authors and Advocates. Want to contribute? Instructions here. Subscribe here.
Should I wear this Magen David necklace today? The silver one looks nice nestled between the two sides of the gray V-neck top I’m wearing. The fact that it’s a V-neck means I won’t be able to slip it inside my shirt. I won’t be able to hide being a Jew. I finger the necklace. Why am I so nervous?
Maybe I should wear the blue ceramic one I got in Israel. It’s smaller, more subtle, and it reminds me of that wonderful trip. Am I considering it because it’s less conspicuous?
Don’t be a coward! I admonish myself. I am proud to be a Jew, to show my Jewishness to the world. Wearing this jewelry when I am hanging out with friends is never a big decision. Today, however, I am venturing forth into the world, going to a doctor’s appointment and then to some stores in another town. Do I know what kind of people will be sitting in that waiting room, possibly staring at me, perhaps glaring at me? What if the doctor, whom I’ve never met, is an antisemite? Will shoppers and salespeople snarl and turn away? Can I handle that? What if someone is hiding a weapon, ready to use it on a Jew?
I finger the other necklaces in my jewelry drawer. The Murano glass Star of David, purchased at the Jewish Ghetto in Venice, shimmers in blues and greens. The colors would liven up the gray. I could wear that one. It doesn’t really look like a Jewish star unless you look closely.
This is horrible! I collapse onto my bed. You scaredy-cat, I tell myself. Am I afraid to announce my Jewishness? I never used to be. Growing up, everyone in school knew who was Jewish and who Christian. We wore Jewish stars or crosses and it was never an issue. Back when I taught at a mostly Christian public school, the students wore big crosses all the time. Rock stars are constantly shown with huge rhinestone crosses around their necks. So why am I making such a big deal out of this? I have the right – in fact, the duty – to wear a sign of my Jewishness!
I think of the “Bring Them Home” dog tag I wore every day since receiving it shortly after October 7. Why has it been sitting in the drawer lately? In the days after the attacks, my Jewish friends and I wore those dog tags all the time, everywhere we went. Our anger outweighed any concern over how others would view us. Of course, the antisemitism that is now erupting had not yet begun to bubble forth.
“Stop it!” I say aloud. Who are you – a privileged white woman, obsessing over what jewelry to wear to a doctor’s appointment? You should be ashamed of yourself! Other people are out there, suffering in dark tunnels, fighting in dangerous locations. I shiver, thinking of the brutal rapes and murders on October 7. So much pain in the world: I should feel guilty for living a safe life. “So wear a Jewish star necklace!” I yell aloud. Wear the dog tag, attach the yellow ribbon pin. Yes, let my pride in my heritage blaze forth! Let others be reminded of what our Israelis endured!
A while ago, my daughter asked me for a yellow hostage pin and a “Bring Them Home Now” dog tag, which I sent her. She was going to be flying from L.A. to Philadelphia. When she told me she probably wouldn’t wear them at the airport or on the plane, I agreed. What have we come to? This is 2024 in the United States, where so many Jews found refuge after the horrors of the Holocaust, including my parents and grandparents. And now we have to fear the hate in others again?!
Ruth Rotkowitz is the author of two novels that deal with trans-generational trauma for children of Holocaust survivors, Escaping the Whale and The Whale Surfaces. She has published in various literary journals and keeps a blog featuring articles and interviews.
This essay is part of a new collection of work inspired by the anthology On Being Jewish Now: Reflections of Authors and Advocates. Want to contribute? Instructions here. Subscribe here.
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Such an excellent essay that reflects on how so many of us who are Jewish struggle with this new reality.
I am a Christian who has been scared and unbelieving about the anti-Semitism that has flooded our country. It doesn't make sense to me and makes me ashamed. Ruth has shared her worry in a dynamic and eloquent way. It's so like her!