From Casual Jew to Jewish Activist
My post-October 7 journey
This essay is part of a new collection of work inspired by the anthology On Being Jewish Now: Reflections of Authors and Advocates. Want to contribute? Instructions here. Subscribe here.
Until October 7, 2023, I casually appreciated my Judaism as one of many identities. Growing up, I attended synagogue on the High Holidays, had a bat mitzvah, and spent twelve summers at a Jewish sleepaway camp. But my social life inevitably took priority over Shabbat dinners at home, and when I got to college, Jewish holidays took a backseat to other pursuits. My grandparents—who had urged me from a young age to marry Jewish—were pleased when I got engaged to my college sweetheart, who happened to be Jewish, but I can’t say that I was purposeful about finding a Jewish partner. I had heeded my grandparents’ advice, but almost by accident.
Since October 7, nothing about my Judaism has been an accident. On that day, the world I had known for 49 years—the one in which I felt safe—ceased to exist. New York City institutions where I thought I belonged issued mealy-mouthed, morally conflicted statements. The world had become unrecognizable, and I changed too. I have become Jewy.
Over the past 18 months, I have sought out Jewish peers and bonded with them in new and profound ways. We have been collectively mourning, not just for Israel but for our own lives, as many of us experience tangible antisemitism for the first time. I have only visited Israel once, but I now feel connected to this piece of land and its people – to all Jews – on a vulnerable and visceral level. Feeling abandoned in our time of need, my husband and I decided to donate exclusively and generously to Israel and Jewish causes. If we do not support them, who will?
I instinctively turned into an activist. When leaders at my boys’ private school failed to communicate with moral clarity about the Hamas attacks, I texted numerous school parents. It turned out that I wasn’t the only one who felt isolated, afraid and confused. Within a week, a few of us had rallied more than 200 Jewish parents into a strong community of like-minded families.
It suddenly seemed urgent to educate myself about Jewish history. I participated in a multi-session “Empowered Parents” course led by the American Jewish Committee, joined the Jewish Parents Leadership Council for New York, and attended talks with passionate leaders like Dr. Rachel Fish, Jonathan Greenblatt, Rabbi Erica Gerson, and David Bernstein. Thanks to these efforts, I learned more about Jewish history than I did in all my years of Hebrew school. I have met countless peers whose intelligence, thoughtfulness, courage, and compassion are inspiring. I feel blessed to have this large and growing patchwork Jewish community. I never depended on a Jewish community before October 7, but now, I can’t imagine life without it.
As much as I have focused on building community and calling out antisemitism, I have also deepened my commitment to Judaism at home with my husband and children. Our family values, which we wrote years ago and taped to the kitchen wall on a now-faded piece of paper, state: “Always be kind, treat every person with respect, do the right thing, and do your best.” I have worked hard every day to model and reinforce these values for my children. Now, I realize that these are also core Jewish values. As I have instilled in my children the importance of being good people, community members, and citizens of the world, I have given them the foundation for a strong Jewish life.
Lately, I have renewed my efforts to foster a strong Jewish identity and sense of Jewish pride in my children. I talk about Tikkun Olam, tzedakah, chesed, Torah, mitzvot. I engage them in discussions about our family’s Jewish heritage, Jewish traditions, the history of the Jewish people, Israel, and the war with Hamas. I am leaning into the joyous aspects of being Jewish at home—celebrating Shabbat and other holidays like Passover, Purim, and Chanukah more fully.
The journalist Bret Stephens recently remarked that the best response to antisemitism is Jewish pride, advising Jewish people to “get 10% Jewier.” I wholeheartedly agree. Living more Jewishly for myself, my family and my community has been rewarding beyond measure.
Eva Heyman is the founder and principle of ESH Consulting, LLC, and has over 30 years experience in marketing, communications, organizational management and people leadership. She is co-founder of Mic'd and Medicated, a podcast about NYC women navigating motherhood, working inside and outside the household, and sharing how they stay alive through it all. Eva lives on the Upper East Side with her husband and three children.
Instagram: @evasheyman
This essay is part of a new collection of work inspired by the anthology On Being Jewish Now: Reflections of Authors and Advocates. Want to contribute? Instructions here. Subscribe here.
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Yes. Same for me.