Recently speaking The Family Story to folk at Hebrew Free Loan, reflecting on the absence of Shoah testimonials in our 100-year archive (Sefer Hazicaron) of the San Antonio Jewish Community, someone brought up the notion of “survivor guilt.”
It’s a trope often accepted as given.
Thinking about it, though, despite Nani and Opa’s reticence for story-telling, looking at their signatures on the US Naturalization Certificates, still projected on screen: their bold, proudly written names, in perfect penmanship, I could sense their overwhelming joy at having made it, not only away from the Old World (in every sense), but having the American imprimatur on their identity.
I don’t think either felt any sense of guilt or shame for surviving; BUT I do think that the experiences transcended language. Even in writing (Opa was prolific in expressing himself articulately in a half-dozen languages), the inability to frame that trauma in words must have felt incredibly frustrating. That’s why your contributions, and those of both our mothers’ are so crucial: it is our generation’s responsibility to do what they couldn’t, and to ensure a next generation knows to undertake the challenge in their time. For as we say at Pesach, in every generation.
I’m so proud of your commitment to our family, our community, and our faith’s heritage.
David. Thank you. I love reading your interpretation of the boldness of their signatures. I imagine there was a sense of disbelief paired with gratitude for a 'new' life, a 'new' beginning. I will never stop missing them.
This gave me chills. What a beautiful and powerful piece Caren. The past and the present. The ups and the downs. I felt all of it. Thank you for sharing your story.
I , too grew up with survivors.. it’s hard to explain the generational pain we carry and how we chose not to burden others with it.. thank you for your story , it was me in your beautiful words
So beautifully expressed. Sadness and revelation and celebration and grief all wrapped up together. Such a moving piece.
Thanks Leah. Memories and mantras--living, loving and coping.
Recently speaking The Family Story to folk at Hebrew Free Loan, reflecting on the absence of Shoah testimonials in our 100-year archive (Sefer Hazicaron) of the San Antonio Jewish Community, someone brought up the notion of “survivor guilt.”
It’s a trope often accepted as given.
Thinking about it, though, despite Nani and Opa’s reticence for story-telling, looking at their signatures on the US Naturalization Certificates, still projected on screen: their bold, proudly written names, in perfect penmanship, I could sense their overwhelming joy at having made it, not only away from the Old World (in every sense), but having the American imprimatur on their identity.
I don’t think either felt any sense of guilt or shame for surviving; BUT I do think that the experiences transcended language. Even in writing (Opa was prolific in expressing himself articulately in a half-dozen languages), the inability to frame that trauma in words must have felt incredibly frustrating. That’s why your contributions, and those of both our mothers’ are so crucial: it is our generation’s responsibility to do what they couldn’t, and to ensure a next generation knows to undertake the challenge in their time. For as we say at Pesach, in every generation.
I’m so proud of your commitment to our family, our community, and our faith’s heritage.
David. Thank you. I love reading your interpretation of the boldness of their signatures. I imagine there was a sense of disbelief paired with gratitude for a 'new' life, a 'new' beginning. I will never stop missing them.
Beautifully written! Got the chills about Marc and the owl 🫶❤️
What went in is loss and suffering; what comes out is beautiful, but it's not just beautiful, it's gently moving. Thanks. Loren
Thank you Dr. Fishman. Your kind words mean so much. :)
This gave me chills. What a beautiful and powerful piece Caren. The past and the present. The ups and the downs. I felt all of it. Thank you for sharing your story.
I , too grew up with survivors.. it’s hard to explain the generational pain we carry and how we chose not to burden others with it.. thank you for your story , it was me in your beautiful words
So beautiful, Caren. I had no idea this is your story. So glad you shared this.
Warmly,
Hilary Locker Fussteig
Thank you Hilary. I appreciate your kinds words.
Caren, I appreciate your being a ‘guest’ on the On Being Jewish Now substack email.
Beautiful, heartfelt expression.
Thank you Esther.